Tuesday, September 21, 2010

"our lives are better left to chance..."

This picture says so much about my mom!  She was always happy & so quirky!
I remember going through pictures with her & she joked about how many there
were of her standing at the buffet table... hehe.  But, she always looked so cute!

{Aunt Joan, Aunt Karen, Mom, Mom Mom, Aunt Mona, Aunt Mary}

It's hard to believe that it's been 5 years, to the day, since she passed.  Nothing has been the same since.
I often wonder what would be different if she were here today.

*Would Brad & I have been married in Jamaica?
*Would we still be in Vermont?
*Would our lives be taking the same path?

It's impossible to say, but I do know she would have supported us no matter what,
because that is what she did.  She was the type of mom who let you live your life
& let you learn from your mistakes, but whatever those mistakes may be,
you knew you always had her to lean on when things didn't go right,
& somebody to celebrate with when everything went as planned!

She always knew what to say, or what not to say.  If you needed somebody
to just sit and listen, she was the one!  If you needed advice,
nobody could offer any greater!  That is one of the things I miss most about my mom! 
There are many days I would give so much to just
pick up the phone and call her!  To tell her how everything is going in life...
And most importantly, to ask her if I am making the biggest mistake of my life!
She always knew...
...I don't know how, but she did!

I often dream of her!  The worst dreams are the ones I wake up from not knowing if she's
really gone.  I always wake up feeling an emptiness in my heart.
I'm a firm believer that when I see her in my dreams, she is really there, visiting with me.
I think that's what makes it so hard when I wake up...
...it's like saying goodbye all over again.

{Mom & Dylan}

She loved her family! 
Every single one of us! 
She always said she didn't have a favorite out of us three kids,
and looking back on it, I really do believe her!  She loved us all for so many different reasons.

Jason was her first born... they always hold a special place in any parent's heart.
He was the first to do EVERYTHING!  She learned right along with him.
And he kept the rest of us from getting into trouble, because once it was our turn to
experience something, it was no longer new to Mom. 
**Thanks Jason!** :-)

Justin was her braniac!  She was always so proud of him & his accomplishments in school!
Things seemed to come easy to him.  He got great grades in school & barely had to try,
he's an amazing artist & he could beat a video game in a matter of days (sometimes even hours).
But, above all, he's so humble about it & I think that's one of the things she loved most about Justin!

And I'm her baby girl!  I was lucky enough to be the only girl & the youngest...
that holds a special place in any mom's heart, I like to believe! 
She was my best friend & everyday of my life I pray to be able
to be half the mom she was to us.

But, like I said, she really didn't have a favorite.  We each held a special place in her heart.
We each gave her new experiences.  And she handled our three, sometimes very different, personalities
like nobody else could have.
We were there with her through the good & the bad & that is all she ever asked of us.

I would give so much to spend the rest of my life knowing I could call her to say "hi" or pop in for a visit...
But, I wouldn't trade anything in the world for any other mom.
God had a plan for her & needed another angel in heaven.

It's amazing how much life has changed not having her here to point us in the right direction,
but as Brad's mom told me the other day, she instilled so much in us & we carry her memory,
her beliefs, & her morals with us everyday. 
If there's one thing I could carry on in her memory, it's that, no matter how hard things are, you can always make somebody's day with a smile! 
It's the little things in life that make the biggest difference.

1 comment:

  1. Dear Kalen,
    On this day it can be hard with the loss of your Mom but she would want you to do just what you have done with her memory and so many beautiful happy pictures.

    Dad and I also had the opportunity to meet your Mom and see just how happy she was and how her eyes had nothing but love for you. I always look at the eyes because they tell the true story.

    With all that your Mother was enduring her happiness which brought her enduring worth to life. It was her happiness and contentment that filled the soul even in the midst of the most distressing circumstances and the most bitter environment. It was the kind of happiness that grins when things go wrong and smiles through the tears. The happiness for which our souls ache is one undisturbed by success or failure, one which will root deeply inside us and give inward relaxation, peace, and contentment, no matter what the surface problems may be. Kalen, that was your Mom and you were so lucky to have her in your life for as long as God needed her to be on earth. All were blessed by her presence.

    We love you and our thoughts are with you today and always. We are so blessed to have you in our family.
    Love, Mom and Dad